10 Month Update

Dear Jacob,

You are 10 months old already.  I find it hard to believe that last year at this time i was so anxious to meet you and we still had 2 months to go!  For as quickly as these past 10 months have gone by, I know the next 2 months are not going to magically slow down.

Teddy Bear Park

Especially since I think you will be walking before you are a year old.  You stand up for a few seconds at a time, and get more confident each time.  If I clap or praise you, you pitch forward or promptly sit down. 

The new thing in the past month is your love of books.  There are 3 books that are your favorites.  A Truck book that you will pull off the shelf (along with every other book until you find that one), sit down, and look through it.  Occasionally you make truck noises when you look at.  The other one is the Taggie book, you like the animal noises we make reading to you, and that you can see yourself in the mirror.  THe newest favorite is Sesame Street At The Zoo.  You will crawl across the room with the book, climb up on us and wave the book in our face until we read it to you, multiple times.

First Haircut!

This month, I saw what a handsome little boy you will be.  Daddy said you were looking like a "Hippy baby" and that you needed your haircut.  Actually, he's been saying that for a few months, but I kept fighting him.  I can't believe how much hair she cut off, and how cute you are, but you look like a little boy, not a baby!  I'm not ready for that yet!
You've had a few illnesses in the past month, between ear infections, a new tooth, a "tumble" out the car, and a stomach bug.  But, overall, you've been a happy baby boy.  You make new faces where you hold your fists up, squeeze them, and grunt.  THe other is scrunching up your nose and eyes and having the biggest grin on your face.

The daily dance party is starting to pay off.  When you hear music, you will kick your lil legs, or bounce up and down.  I can't wait until you know how to do the sprinkler, lawn mower, or the grocery cart.  I will know then that my job as a parent is complete... :)

You can sign "All Done" with the best of them.  You are very adamant about it, and it's more like you are waving down a vehicle, but it gets the point across.  Usually, it's when I'm trying to make you eat more food, you sign all done, but if i put down fruit, you gobble it right up.  There's always room for fruit with you. 

Random Facts:
Weight:  22 lbs
Clothing:  6-12 months, some 12-18
Fav Veggie:  Peas
Fav Fruits:  Watermelon or peaches
Toys you can't live without:  ball, giraffe, activity table
Teeth:  4, but you just cut another this week

You would try to make a mad dash to the water when you got bored

Today is a bittersweet day.  This is the last week I will be home part time with you.  I already miss it, and the time i have to spend with you.  I know I will really miss those times when I bring you up for a nap and you just snuggle right in.  I will miss taking morning walks with you and Selby.  But, I am so lucky

Love you so much more than you know!!
Momma

LOOOONG Week...

*** i thought i had posted this last week...whoops****
It's been a long week.  Last Tuesday, Mike had surgery.  Again. 

Jacob had a stomach bug, was sick all weekend and threw up on me.  After the bug went away, he started getting a cold on Sunday.

I missed work on Friday from Jacob being sick.  I'm already behind with only working 3 days a week, and right now i am so behind I'm barely staying afloat.  I'm overwhelmed with the amount of work I have to complete in the next 5 days, and then in the next month. 

After being shut up in the house since Thursday with a sick baby, I wanted to escape.  So, on Tuesday, I thought it would be fun for Jacob and I to go to Hudson for the afternoon.  He loves going on walks, so the thought of strolling thru downtown Hudson to window shop while Jacob chattered and flung his arms around was appealing.  The day did not go quite as I had envisioned.

I almost broke my baby's head.  Seriously.  As in still today when i think of it, my eyes burn. 

I had parked in Hudson, on a hill.  Got out, grabbed the stoller, set up the stroller on the sidewalk, and unbuckled Jacob from his carseat.  I then was wondering, did i lock the stroller?  I didn't want to put him in the stroller and have it start rolling down the hill.  So, I turned to check the stroller again.  Seriously, it was a few seconds max.  As I turned back to the SUV, I am watching in slow motion as my baby is falling face first out of the vehicle.  I'm not close enough to catch him, so I watched my baby hit his head on the concrete curb and start wailing.

I scooped him up and squeezed him to me, thinking how in the world did that just happen.  He's sobbing, I'm sobbing, checking him, making sure he has all his teeth, no blood, etc.  In mere seconds, he propelled himself out of his carseat, onto the seat of the SUV, and across the seat to the open door.  He then tumbled out onto the concrete.  I felt HORRIBLE.  as in worst mother of the year.  I'm supposed to make the world safe for him, not leave car doors open for him to fall out of.  I didnt realize he could crawl THAT quickly. 

After calming both of us down, I called the clinic.  Due to the height of the fall, the fact that he hit concrete, and not something softer, that he had a bump on the head, and since he has a cold, so I can't tell difference in symptoms of a head injury vs. a cold, they wanted us to come in.  The appt was still 2 hours out (since he wasn't having the major signs, seizure, passed out, etc) we walked along in Hudson.  I was still crying intermettenly, having cried while talking to the appt desk, the triage nurse, and Mike.  (as you will see in the video, Jacob was having a fun time in Hudson, head injury or not).

At the doc, we discovered (surprise, surprise) that Jacob has yet another ear infection, lucky number 5.  I hated being there, as the poor guy had already gone thru a traumatic day, and he knows what's happening when the doc comes at him with the ear scope and starts screaming.  The doc called Children's Hospital, and based on the recommendations of both docs, we were sent to the ER at Childrens.  THey wanted to do a CT scan on him to make sure there were no fractures.

We get there, and i have to tell the story to 3 different people.  I felt like CPS was going to come in and snatch my baby away.  I thought i was doing a good thing to check the stroller, not realizing that he would catapult out of the carseat. 

We go back to have the CT scan done.  At Childrens, the room is COVERED in Sesame street stuff, and has colored lights on the ceiling.  They have toys to divert the attention, and the staff is very good at dealing with babies.  It was horrible watching them lay him onto the table, swaddling him, then strapping down his body adn then his head to the table.  He screamed.  They gave me a light up toy to help distract him.  He screamed.  Then, she gave him a nuk dipped in sugar water.  And he was fine.  They ran the scan.

NO FRACTURES! i didn't break my baby's head.  We were told he would likely have a headache for a few days, but he could go home and looked fine.  Thank you God. 

Last night I rocked my baby to sleep (i know, i paid for it tonight at bedtime) and cuddled him, smelling his sweet baby smell and was so thankful nothing worse had happened. 

Tonight, was a rough night for bedtime.  He fought me for over an hour, before I gave up and rocked him again to sleep.  I figure with a cold and ear infection, whatever.  I know it's not helping, but we have an appt with an ENT next week, so why start a new thing before then?  I had planned on getting some work done tonight from home, but a dear friend had sent me a link to a blog on sleeping.  And then i was sucked into the vortex of reading a new blogger. 

The blogger's advice on poor sleeping? Acceptance.  Knowing that it may suck now, but will eventually turn around.  Please Lord, turn it around soon...

Sorry for the long post, but I really needed to just get that out.  The feeling of being majorly overwhelmed has been persistent and strong this past week.  I feel like everything is more out of whack as each day progresses, and that I am falling behind in everything.  I feel like everything is holding on by a thread, and I'm scrambling to keep it all together. 

It's so hard to not judge how you feel as a parent, and this week feels like a total fail.  I'm so behind at work, it's not funny.  I think it would be easier if my bosses were jerks and hounded me about stuff, but they are not.  I could not ask to work for a better group of people.  It's my own drive, and knowing how much stuff i have to catch up on that is daunting. 

I wonder how mother's who work full time do it.  I feel like I am failing at both parenting and my career with working part time.  I know too that part of it is my Type A personality.  And I tell myself that I am doing fine with both my career and parenting.  But, the war that goes on between the two sides is still raging.  I know which one I hope will win does. 

Expectations

There are a lot of things that have not met my expectations about being a parent, and other things I did not expect at all.  I'm a planner, I like knowing what's going to happen and when.  I like to be able to rely that something is going to happen at a set time.

These past 2 years have challenged my expectations more than I could have thought possible.  While overall, the hopes and goals have been met, it was not on the timeline I thought it should/would be.  God definetly had a few laughs over my plans....

Last weekend was my brother's grad party from college.  He has a degree in criminal justice, and plans on becoming a cop.  We went up to celebrate with him, and had fun.  Then the witching hour started rolling in, aka 7:00 pm.  Jacob NEEDS to be in bed by 7 we have found.  If not, there is complete hell to pay by him waking up about every 30-60 minutes all night. 

I NEVER wanted to be one of "those" parents that had to leave a function, or plan their day around the baby's sleep schedule.  I wanted to be the kind where the kid could roll with the punches, and sleep wherever; whenever.  That we could lay him down when he got sleepy, and if it was past "normal" bedtime, no biggie, he will just sleep in the next day.  That playing outside or with family would have wore him out, and blissful sleep would have taken over and he would be a snuggly cute sleeping until the next morning.

Yea, God has had a LOT of laughs over my plans.

So far, it's only been one night that he has only woken up once.  A "good" night is waking up twice, an average night is 3 times, the past few nights, has been about every 30-60 minutes ALL NIGHT (granted, he has a stomach bug, so that's why).

But, it sucks having to leave when everyone else is there, and trying to explain to people why you are leaving.  It seems like most people i know were blessed with the expected sleep babies.  People think we should keep him later, cuz he will "sleep in".  Umm, nope, he won't.  Want to come stay the night at our house?  Camping is a nightmare at bedtime.  It takes a good hour of fighting to get him down.  But when we just let him crash on his own, we fight him the entire night, and he's up at the crack of dawn. 

This was not the kind of parent I expected to be.  I hope it's a "phase", that in the future he will be easier at sleep, but I don't expect it.  As a breastfed baby, I didn't expect him to have that many ear infections.  He had 4 (two double) in a 2 month time.  I am realistic, I know not everything will go as I plan or want, but the expectations that have been challenged, are some that I just didn't think could be any different.

I expect to have challenges with a baby.  I know that there would be sleepless nights, and sick nights, and jsut plan off nights.  But I didn't think it would be every night.  I expect to raise my son a certain way.  He will have discipline, structure, manners, limited tv/comp time, rules, and a big one to me, not say the word "hate".  I really dislike when I hear little kids say "I hate ______". 

He will also have unconditional love, his needs met, a stable environment to thrive in, a faithfilled journey, and lots of laughs and hugs.  I know this post sounds really negative at the beginning, but it's just frustration with circumstances that will pass, and expectations that need to be reevaluated.  I guess if I'm one of "those" parents, so be it.  At least I can look forward to a somewhat restful night of sleep.



This face says it all...