It's been a long week. Last Tuesday, Mike had surgery. Again.
Jacob had a stomach bug, was sick all weekend and threw up on me. After the bug went away, he started getting a cold on Sunday.
I missed work on Friday from Jacob being sick. I'm already behind with only working 3 days a week, and right now i am so behind I'm barely staying afloat. I'm overwhelmed with the amount of work I have to complete in the next 5 days, and then in the next month.
After being shut up in the house since Thursday with a sick baby, I wanted to escape. So, on Tuesday, I thought it would be fun for Jacob and I to go to Hudson for the afternoon. He loves going on walks, so the thought of strolling thru downtown Hudson to window shop while Jacob chattered and flung his arms around was appealing. The day did not go quite as I had envisioned.
I almost broke my baby's head. Seriously. As in still today when i think of it, my eyes burn.
I had parked in Hudson, on a hill. Got out, grabbed the stoller, set up the stroller on the sidewalk, and unbuckled Jacob from his carseat. I then was wondering, did i lock the stroller? I didn't want to put him in the stroller and have it start rolling down the hill. So, I turned to check the stroller again. Seriously, it was a few seconds max. As I turned back to the SUV, I am watching in slow motion as my baby is falling face first out of the vehicle. I'm not close enough to catch him, so I watched my baby hit his head on the concrete curb and start wailing.
I scooped him up and squeezed him to me, thinking how in the world did that just happen. He's sobbing, I'm sobbing, checking him, making sure he has all his teeth, no blood, etc. In mere seconds, he propelled himself out of his carseat, onto the seat of the SUV, and across the seat to the open door. He then tumbled out onto the concrete. I felt HORRIBLE. as in worst mother of the year. I'm supposed to make the world safe for him, not leave car doors open for him to fall out of. I didnt realize he could crawl THAT quickly.
After calming both of us down, I called the clinic. Due to the height of the fall, the fact that he hit concrete, and not something softer, that he had a bump on the head, and since he has a cold, so I can't tell difference in symptoms of a head injury vs. a cold, they wanted us to come in. The appt was still 2 hours out (since he wasn't having the major signs, seizure, passed out, etc) we walked along in Hudson. I was still crying intermettenly, having cried while talking to the appt desk, the triage nurse, and Mike. (as you will see in the video, Jacob was having a fun time in Hudson, head injury or not).
At the doc, we discovered (surprise, surprise) that Jacob has yet another ear infection, lucky number 5. I hated being there, as the poor guy had already gone thru a traumatic day, and he knows what's happening when the doc comes at him with the ear scope and starts screaming. The doc called Children's Hospital, and based on the recommendations of both docs, we were sent to the ER at Childrens. THey wanted to do a CT scan on him to make sure there were no fractures.
We get there, and i have to tell the story to 3 different people. I felt like CPS was going to come in and snatch my baby away. I thought i was doing a good thing to check the stroller, not realizing that he would catapult out of the carseat.
We go back to have the CT scan done. At Childrens, the room is COVERED in Sesame street stuff, and has colored lights on the ceiling. They have toys to divert the attention, and the staff is very good at dealing with babies. It was horrible watching them lay him onto the table, swaddling him, then strapping down his body adn then his head to the table. He screamed. They gave me a light up toy to help distract him. He screamed. Then, she gave him a nuk dipped in sugar water. And he was fine. They ran the scan.
NO FRACTURES! i didn't break my baby's head. We were told he would likely have a headache for a few days, but he could go home and looked fine. Thank you God.
Last night I rocked my baby to sleep (i know, i paid for it tonight at bedtime) and cuddled him, smelling his sweet baby smell and was so thankful nothing worse had happened.
Tonight, was a rough night for bedtime. He fought me for over an hour, before I gave up and rocked him again to sleep. I figure with a cold and ear infection, whatever. I know it's not helping, but we have an appt with an ENT next week, so why start a new thing before then? I had planned on getting some work done tonight from home, but a dear friend had sent me a link to a blog on sleeping. And then i was sucked into the vortex of reading a new blogger.
The blogger's advice on poor sleeping? Acceptance. Knowing that it may suck now, but will eventually turn around. Please Lord, turn it around soon...
It's so hard to not judge how you feel as a parent, and this week feels like a total fail. I'm so behind at work, it's not funny. I think it would be easier if my bosses were jerks and hounded me about stuff, but they are not. I could not ask to work for a better group of people. It's my own drive, and knowing how much stuff i have to catch up on that is daunting.
I wonder how mother's who work full time do it. I feel like I am failing at both parenting and my career with working part time. I know too that part of it is my Type A personality. And I tell myself that I am doing fine with both my career and parenting. But, the war that goes on between the two sides is still raging. I know which one I hope will win does.
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