Bittersweet Endings

Monday night was a bittersweet night for me.

It was Jacob's last nursing.  Yes, at just shy of 15 months, I am done with nursing. 

**This post might be TMI, but I warned you ahead of time***

The breastfeeding journey has been a bumpy road for us.  At first, I wasn't even really sure if I wanted to do it.  The dependence of always being nearby Jacob, the one to get up at night, if i was away, making sure I had time to pump, the thoughts/opinions of others, the ease of using formula, I could keep going on and on.

But I did research, I took a class on breastfeeding, and the benefits that Jacob would recieve far outweighed the negatives.  So, I figured I would breastfeed, and see how it goes, and my goal was to do it for 6-9 months. 

Jacob was what they call a "barracuda baby" at first.  That boy had no trouble latching.  The nurse we had for delivery joked that if latched onto a wall, he would hang there on his own.  He latched, and latched HARD.  It hurt. A lot.  One thing all the books don't tell you, is that the first 3 months of breastfeeding tends to be pure hell.  From 3 months on, it's a breeze, just like the books say.  But they don't tell the truth about the first 3. 

It's hard work.  You are not only trying something new, but with a newborn baby, and all these other changes going on as well.  You are a hormonal mess, you get massively engorged when your milk comes in, the first few weeks to a month, if feels like you are CONSTANTLY nursing.  One side took about 45 minutes.  then the next side was another 30.  And 90 minutes later, guess who's hungry again?  That's right.  Time to climb back on the couch and assume the "position". 

Your nipples crack and bleed.  And it hurts.  The baby gets frustrated, you get frustrated, and then everyone's in tears.  You leak, you get engorged, and it hurts.  But, if you can get thru those first few months, one day it just clicks.  The baby knows what to do, your body knows what to do, you are more comfortable, and suddenly, it doesn't hurt anymore.  Instead it's this great bonding time with your baby, and when they grow, you know it's because of you. 

I wish that was the only bumps in my story, but I had a few more.  We brought Jacob home on a Friday.  That same Saturday night, we were being rushed to Children's by ambulance because Jacob had thrown/spit up blood.  It was midnight, and I had just finished nursing him.  Mike was still up with us.  I had sat Jacob up to burp him and out comes bright red blood.  All over the boppy (a must have for nursing, btw).  I was panicked, had Mike call 911, because you aren't rationally thinking when your 4 day old baby pukes up blood.  They told us to keep him awake.  Seriously, it's not easy to keep a baby awake if they want to sleep.  So off to Children's we go, with the boppy.  Since we brought the boppy in, which had the blood on it, they ran tests off of that first, to not subject Jacob to any tests.  Turns out it was my blood.  Yep, mine. 

When Jacob had been nursing, somehow he had popped a blood vessel in me and swallowed the blood.  At this time, I had very cracked and bleeding nipples (buy lanolin cream, another must have for nursing).  By Wednesday, I had severe flu symptoms and a massive fever.  My breast become severly engorged and a deep nasty red.  I had mastitis. 

Mastitis is something that i would not wish on my worst enemy.  It's unbelievebly painful.  And you feel like you got hit by a Mac Truck.  The worst part, you should keep nursing through it, because it makes it worse if you don't.  But when you have a breast the size of a volleyball and you want to scream and shove razors in your eyes when a baby is nursing, it's not the most pleasurable thing in the world. 

I had several cases of mastitis from then until September, yes of this year.  I think i had it 9 times.  I learned during this that I am allergic to penicillan, had a fever over 105, and ended up hospitalized for 3 days.  But I kept nursing, which I know some people thought I had lost it at that point.  But, I figured if you should nurse through it, by the time i was over it, it didn't hurt again, so why stop? 

I also got a yeast infection on the nipples.  This was due to the antibiotics killing all the good bacteria.  This is also painful.  Like a deep throbbing ache.  This also happened multiple times. 

I met with a lactation consultant because of the mastitis issues, and had tried exclusively pumping for awhile.  This was a joke.  You are doing all the work of breastfeeding, plus the work of bottle feeding.  It's hard.  I did this for almost a month, before going back to nursing.  Luckily Jacob did not have nipple confusion switching from breast to bottle.  The LC had told me I wasn't producing enough and I would have to supplement with formula.  Mike says if the LC hadn't told me that, I would have given up BFing sooner, but since someone told me I can't do something, I was going to prove them wrong.  (He's probably pretty right on this aspect).  I refused to supplement and tried harder.  I took fenugreek, ate oatmeal, drank tea, took acidophylus, prenatal vitamins, and read kellymom.com like it was my Bible.  (it is the go to bible for BFing)

When I had mastitis, I would drink uber cold water when Jacob latched on to decrease the pain.  I wore cabbage leaves on my breasts (also for pain), i would soak my breast in hot water before nursing to have a quicker letdown so it didn't hurt as much.  I read more of kellymom.com.  I got great advice, never quite nursing on a bad day.  And not to have a goal of a month, 3 weeks, or a week.  Just have a daily goal.  Today I will nurse.  Or even, at 1 I will nurse, and then decide if i will again after that. 

It was hard, and I don't think all people have the struggles I did.  But I also think not everyone tells you the truth about how difficult the first few months are.  And unless you have support, it's even harder.  But, I got thru each round of mastitis, and kept nursing, I flew by the 6-9 months and kept nursing, I stopped pumping in Oct and kept nursing before bedtime.  Just once a day.

But, it was time to end.  I am not producing as much, and I have doubled the amount of time i thought I would nurse.  I loved it, and hated it.  But, when it was the last time last night, and I looked down at his fuzzy head as his little chubby hand rubbed my chest and arm, I was already missing it.  I know BFing isn't for everyone, and this is not a post about what someone should do.  This was my experience, and I wanted to share it.  That way if others go thru similar stuff, or have questions on it, I can hopefully help.

I will miss that special snuggle time with Jacob, but I know I will get still get his snuggles. 

Hawaiin Ham & Cheese Sliders

Seriously, these little things taste as amazing as they look. 

And suprisingly quick and easy to make.  Which has been a huge priority lately, since Jacob has been underfoot and demanding to be read to, played with and held.  Or all three at once.  Which makes it hard to stand by a stove and try to do something that tastes good, without being labor intensive.

I've made these a couple times, and have frozen the leftovers.  They taste good reheated, but much better if you reheat in the oven then the microwave. 

Here's what you'll need....

1-2 packages of Hawaiian sweet rolls
1 onion, minced
1 stick of butter
3 Tbs of Dijon Mustard
2-3 teaspoons of Worcestershire Sauce
3 teaspoons of poppy seeds
1 pound of shaved deli ham- or more depends how thick you want them
8-10 slices of Swiss cheese

Directions:
In a sauce pan melt your butter. Add onion and cook until soft.
Then add in your mustard, Worcestershire, and poppy seeds. Simmer for 5 mins
Slice your rolls right down the middle. Place them in a pan with foil.
place 2/3 of mixture on bottom of rolls.
Add your ham and then your cheese.
Top with the other side of the rolls and add the rest of the mixture on top.
Bake for 20 mins on 350! Cut where the lines are in the Hawaiian rolls and you know have perfectly melted sliders. Enjoy!!!

Slacking Off

I just realized the last post I did was before Christmas, which seems FOREVER ago. 

We've been busy with holiday celebrations, last minute shopping, spending time together with just our little family before Mike starts traveling for work, dealing with illness, ear infections, and work picking back up. 

I haven't really cooked or baked in forever.

No real new pinterest projects.

I have pictures, but still haven't uploaded them.

Jacob is still cute, learning new things, and taking over our house one toy at a time.

Yep, I'm a slacker.  If I made that my resolution for NY, I would be rocking the resolution.

SO, I'm hoping I keep the blog up during tax season, but realistically it probably won't be as often as I want. 

Christmas Gifts - Teachers & Grandma's

 

I really appreciate Jacob's teachers.  They are helping to raise my sweet little boy, and I wanted to show them how much I appreciate that during Christmas.  The only problem?  Currently he has 4 consistent teachers he sees within a 2 day period.  There are 3 each day, to take care of the 12 toddlers tearing up the room.    That being said, I need to stick to a budget, and I didnt want to give them each a $10 gift card.  I know they would appreciate it, but it seemed to be not enough.

 

Enter Pinterest...

I think Mike is starting to despise Pinterest.  Now he knows how i feel about Craigslist.  Really, that's what Pinterst is, a girl's version of CL.

 

I found this great idea of making homemade cake/plate stands.  These are melamine plates and bowls, and all you need is a little super glue.  So, off to the holy land (aka Target) in search of cute bowls. 

 

I found several, each one different and didn't think to take a pic of each one before gluing, but if i did the post would be super long.

 

 

 

Plate one

Glued to the base

 All you need to do is put some super glue on the bottom ridge of the bowl and attach to bottom of plate.  Then let it cure for about 8 hours.

On the trip to target, i found little gifts to add:  coffee mugs, candle holder, Ferrio Rocher candies, and some lotion.  I went to the dollar store and got the FUZZIEST softest socks.  I had some hot chocolate at home, and added to packets to each gift.  I also put a votive into each candle holder.

All assembled

 

Close up of tree tray (my fav)

 

 Then, I took some cellophane bags, wrapped around the gift, and secured the top with some fun garland and a sparkly snowflake ornament.

All lined up

Close up of garland and ornament

 Cost and location:
Plates : Average 2.50 (I found some on cleareance)  Target
Bowls: Average 2.00  Target
Mugs:  1.99 Target
Choc:  1.25 Target
Lotion: 1.99 Target
Ornament: .50 Target
Socks:  1.00 Dollar Tree
Garland:  .50 Target
Candle Holder:  .48 Target (Clearance)
Votives:  .50? (I had at home)
Hot Choc: .50?  (again, at home)
Average cost:  $13.21 if you had to buy everything

I thought much better than a gift card!

For my grandmas, I have always struggled with what to give them. THey have everything they could need, and I didnt want to get them another pair of slippers, or other stuff that is a waste of money.

So, I took the plate stand idea from above, and took a Trader Joe's twist to it instead of target.  I got some crackers and cookies.  I did pick up mugs from Target (both coffee drinkers), and from the dollar store I got a kitchen holiday towel and a candle.

Who wouldn't love some TJ's snacks??

 

Grandma's gifts!

Grandma's gift cost:
Plates:  Ave $2.50  Target
Bowls:  Ave 2.00 Target
Mugs:  1.48 (clearance) Target
Snowflake:  .50 Target
Garland:  .50 Target
Candle:  1.00 Dollar Tree
Towel:  1.00 Dollar Tree
Crackers:  3.99 TJ's
Cookies:  3.29 Tj's
Total Cost:  $16.26

Super easy to do, and easy on the budget, without doing the gift card route.  I had fun making them, and wish i would have thought of the idea sooner for other gifts I have given.  You could do theme ones, or I had debated on adding a small shot size bottle of peppermint schnapps to the teachers mugs for an adult hot choc, but didnt make it to the liqour store to get it. 

14 Month Update

To my dearest little boy,

I can't believe that tomorrow you will be 14 months old.  I know I say that every month, but time is flying by. 

You had lots going on this past month.

We decided to get out of the house for a day, and took a trip to Lookout Ridge and the library in Woodbury.  You loved to watch the big kids run around and play.  After going down the slide once, you loved it and would GRIN like crazy.


First trip to the library

VERY serious, no distracting the baby when there are boats to read about...

 

You had to help me with a huge snowfall while dad was gone travelling for work (in Cali, where it was 70...).  We took Selby on a walk, and in this pic we are actually hoofing it down the middle of the road.  I figured no cars, and there was a bit of a trail so it made it easier for me to walk.  You just hung out.

 We saw Santa at Primrose.  You were less then thrilled with the experience... But you did Sant a high five and smiled at him once daddy was holding you again.  Primrose did an awesome job with Santa.  YOu got a number when you went in, and they had breakfast and crafts in the rooms.  So you didnt have to wait in a line containing a toddler.  They called off 5 numbers at a time, and you went back to see Santa.  Also, you took your own photo, so i didnt have to pay for a pic of my son crying.

 A pin win (and stolen idea from a fav blogger)  We bought some glow sticks, shut off lights, and threw them in the bath tub with you.  You thought it was the greatest thing.  We put them in cups, swung them in the air, and chewed on them.

Scarfing down some Cheerios

Poor Selby, she gets SO worn out from you trying to play with her.  (Yes, she's under a blanket, head on pillow, snuggled with her puppy and blanky)  She is by far one of your favorites.  You love to hand her a ball, feed her treats, feed her your food, and chase her.  If we ask you where Selby is, you laugh and get excited.  Also, you have a new word "dog".  We have decided that Ol' Mcdonald is really either a dog breeder or a hoarder, becuase if we sang it your way, all he has is "dog"s. 

ANother new favorite song is the Itsy Bitsy Spider.  YOu laugh like a maniac when the spider gets washed away.  When you want to sing it, you will try to make the spider, and hold your arms up, and try to sing.  It is the CUTEST thing ever. 

Some other things we are so very happy about:  SLEEP!! you are doing so well at sleeping.  A typical bedtime is 7:30, and you are out until anywhere from 4 to 6:30, and we can typically get you back to sleep until 6:30 or 7.

New words:  Dog and Truck
Fav SOngs: Old Mcdonald and Itsy Bitsy Spider
New Signs:  Banana, Please, SPider, and Book
Fav Foods:  Bananas, anything in a Little Green Pouch, cheerios, pasta
Dislike:  veggies in solid form, when we cant read every minute of every day, diaper changes

I'm so excited for the holidays with you and daddy!

Love always and forever,
your momma

Brownie Bites with Choc Chip Dough Frosting

OH. MY. WORD.

These little bites of heaven are to die for. I mean, what can be better then brownies?  Brownies with cookie dough that's what.



I found the recipe on Pinterest (where else??) and Cooking Classy blog.  They are rich though, and i would recommend either making them in mini muffin tins or cutting the cupcake in 1/2.  We like sweets, and neither one of us could eat a whole one. 

The frosting is phenomonal.  It tastes JUST like cookie dough, but no raw eggs.  Not that raw eggs keep me from eating cookie dough, but some people don't agree with me!  Mike and I ended up eating 2 of these total, due to the richness, so I brought them to church and they went over well!

I'm half tempted to just make the frosting and eat that.

Brownie Cupcakes with Cookie Dough Frosting
Yields 12 cupcakes

Ingredients:
1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup packed light-brown sugar
1/2 cup + 2 Tbsp cocoa powder
3/4 cup butter, melted
2 large eggs
1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
2 Tbsp milk

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a mixing bowl whisk together flour, baking powder and salt, set aside. In a separate mixing bowl, whisk together granulated sugar, light-brown sugar and cocoa powder. Pour in melted butter and use a wood spoon to stir until combine. Mix in eggs and vanilla extract. Stir in milk. Add dry ingredients and mix just until combine (batter will be thick).
Divide batter among 12 paper lined muffin cups filling each about 2/3 full (about 1/4 cup batter in each). Bake in preheated oven 16 - 20 minutes (lesser for gooier brownies). Allow to cool in muffin tin several minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool. Cool completely then frost with Cookie Dough Frosting. Store in an airtight container.

Cookie Dough Frosting

Ingredients:
10 Tbsp salted butter, at room temperature
1/2 cup packed light-brown sugar
1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp molasses
2-3 Tbsp cream or half and half
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
3/4 cup mini semi-sweet chocolate chips

Directions:
In a mixing bowl, using an electric hand mixer, whip together butter and light-brown sugar until pale and fluffy, about 3 - 4 minutes. Mix in flour then add powdered sugar, vanilla, molasses and 2 Tbsp cream and blend together until smooth adding an additional 1 Tbsp of cream to thin if desired. Fold in chocolate chips.

Cookies & Sleep

 So, Mike has been travelling more for work.  And as you can see, when he leaves, Jacob figures that means cookies for dinner.  He loves to "help" in the kitchen, so if the door is open, that means free reign for him to pull stuff out to play with.

 

Last night I was getting some veggies out, and obviously someone did not want veggies.  He pulled the bag of cookies out of the freezer, which I didnt think much of, becuase the bag was sealed.

 



As you can see, someone figured out how to open the bag...  To which I thought, fine, it keeps him entertained, and the cookies were frozen, so he won't eat them.  He proved me wrong.  He gnawed on the cookies until pieces broke off.  He would bite off one, then take a bite out of another one.





 



By the time i got him into the high chair, he had death grip on 3 cookies... I think he gets the sweet tooth from his daddy.

 He really hams it up for the camera now.  I know the pic is blurry (i have to stop laughing when taking a pic) but when I get the camera out he makes the face he has above.  WHich is also the second pic of the cookie fiasco too. 

He was having a blast climbing into the suitcase, pulling stuff out, and shutting hte top on himself. 

 He moved into the toddler room at daycare.  It's still a 4:1 ratio, but instead of 2 teachers and 8 kids, it's 3 teachers and 12 kids.  Yikes!  The room also switches to one nap a day, instead of 2.  The first week was a little rough with the new sleep schedule.  I took him on a walk on Saturday, and poor lil guy was so warm he fell asleep on the walk.  By the time we got back, he had toppled over at the waist and was laying with his head on the seat in front of him.

We also reached a new milestone, he slept "through" the night last night.  He went to bed at 7:30, woke up at 10:30, and back to sleep until 5:30.  That is UNHEARD of at our house.  He has never slept that well, or that long.  Maybe this one nap thing isn't so bad! 

 

 

 

The new game at dinner is to eat as much as possible.  When he "finishes" he will sign all done, and then scream while you get the wash cloth ready to clean him up.  As you are taking the tray off of the chair, he will grab as much food as possible, and shove it in his mouth with one hand, and keep grabbing at the tray with the other.  It's a few seconds of tug of war while he shovels in extra food (if you leave the tray, he screams, so it's not that he's still hungry).  Then, he realized all the food he has stashed on his clothes, and his chair, and will eat that while you are putting the tray down.  As you can see above, it was spagetti night, and surprisingly, some food did make it into his mouth.