Part Time Everything, Full Time Nothing

People have pretty strong opinions when it comes to all things having to do with parenting and kids:
Breast vs. bottle
CIO vs no cry
Attachment parenting vs. independence
Co sleeping vs crib sleeping
Stay at home mom (SAHM) vs. Working Mom vs Work at Home mom (WAHM) vs Part time

I'm sure i could keep the list going, but the last one is the one I want to discuss.  Pre baby, I would have said I'm not giving up my career, post baby, I couldn't imagine going back to work during busy season and working 50-65 hours a week with a 3 monthl old baby at home.  So, I went part time.  Mind you, part time during busy season is still 40 hours a wk, done in 4 days.  from 4/16 to 12/31 is true part time, 24 hours a week, but busy season is basically working a "normal" job.

But, it was hard to do 40 hours in 4 days, so I did work from home also.   And it sucked.  Jacob doesnt nap for extended periods of time.  A typical nap is 30-40 minutes.  And at that time, even when he went to bed at 6ish, he would wake up every 60-90 minutes.  I was stressed trying to get work done.

First Mothers Day

In theory, it sounds great.  You get the pros of both a SAHM and a WM:

• Home with baby
• adult interaction
• you are raising child
• additional income
• Get to lounge around house in pjs
• get to leave house baby free
• identity is a momma
• identity also is career

But there is one HUGE drawback to this:

you never feel like you are full time at anything.

When I'm at home, I think about work.  When I'm doing work from home, and if I'm playing with Jacob, all i think is, I REALLY need to do x, y, and z for work.  I'm distracted and not paying full attention to him.  So, I start up my computer to complete x, y, and z, and the whole time, I'm distracted with wanting to play with Jacob.  I feel guilty working when my baby boy is sitting on the floor next to me, playing away. 

I can't seperate the two and it's tiring.  I don't know which is worse, mommy guilt, or workers guilt.  It's hard because I love my job and I dont want to slack off on my career. 

It seemed like the perfect idea, but it is way harder than I thought it would be.  It's easier now that busy season is over.  I'm leaving my computer at work rather than bringing it home with me.  I'm excited for all the fun things I can do with Jacob over the summer. Zoo, parks, playdates, swimming, etc. 

Plus, I LOVE his daycare!!  I got to have breakfast with Jacob last Friday, for Mothers Day.

Instead of looking for the perfect solution, or always feeling guilty, I'm going to try to maximize and enjoy the time i have in each case.  It will only be for a short time.  Besides, I doubt I would be getting much work done at home once Jacob starts crawling.  Boy can that baby wiggle.  And if flapping your arms and kicking chubby little legs while sitting moved you places, he could zoom across a room in no time. 




See those blurry arms and leg?  Thats a baby in motion...