Day 7 - Influence and Day 8 - Work

Yes, i'm still playing catch up.

We influence our children.  THey see us doing things, and they pick up on it and copy us.  Little girls will talk to their dolly's the way they hear their mothers talk.  Little boys will learn how to make motor noises and push lawnmowers watching their dad's "work".  I say "work" because Mike says he's working, but I know he really enjoys doing the yard work.  So i can't just call it work, because laundry and dishes are work, and i don't seem to derive the same joy from that as I see he does from playing with motors and chainsaws... But I digress...

So, as much as we don't want them to, they also pick up our bad traits.  They will talk in a tone of voice, or repeat a phrase you say, that you probably didnt even realize.  They will witness where your true priorities lie.  Do you say no to doing something with them becuase you are "busy" on the computer?  You tell them to pray, but do they see you pray?

Today's journal was to take my list from Day One and look to see which ones Jacob does.  (one thing i've realized from this activity - would work much better with older kids).  SO, i really don't see any of my 5 changes being portrayed by him yet.  But, the good thing is I can work on these so hopefully I never do see them!

I picked one thing i want to change now, which is being distracted by media (phone/comp/etc). I dont want Jacob to see me look at my phone first thing, or start up the computer on the weekends. I want him to be my first chunk of time being spent on. Becuase I want to influence him that the people around him are more important then what is on a phone or ipad.

Making silly faces at dinner

Looking all snazzy in his vest (btw, this is the LEAST blurry pic i got of him, he didnt want to sit still)

Day 8: work

We need to teach our children to work.  Both Mike and I agree that we don't want to raise Jacob to feel he is entitled to everything, but that he needs to work for it.  We are taught values, and work is not the funnest value to be taught, but is one of the most worthwhile. 

Our society teaches that if you want it, you should have it.  Who cares what the consequences are.  Who cares if you don't deserve it or didn't earn it.  You are entitled to it. 

I don't buy into that.  And if i have any say in it, neither will Jacob.   

Journal questions:
What do you value about work?  I love my job.  it took me awhile to find one i really like, but I love it now, and it was worth everything I did to get here.  I love the security it gives us, I like feeling valued, and that i contribute. 

What do I teach (or plan to) to Jacob about the value of work?  Mike and I agree that college is a given, not a choice.  It's a sacrifice of time & money, but we believe it's a necessity in life.  The reward for going, a job that will provide the life you want.  A way to open doors to experiences and opportunities that would not be available otherwise.  I want to teach Jacob to take pride in his work.  That no matter what job you have, to do your best and give it everything you can.  To take responsibility for your career, and earn it.  Not expect to be given stuff. 

What are simple things I can do to incorporate an attitude of gratitude around work?  Make it fun.  Work isn't always fun, but you do have a choice in your attitude.  We plan on having chores, and Jacob will help around the house, ie picking up his toys, once he's at the age of being able to.  I have a feeling that he will enjoy "working" with his dad out in the yard.

Day 5 - Record & Day 6 - Grace

So, to play catch up, I'm going to post 2 days of intentional parenting!

Day 5 is recording the moments found in those 10 minutes of intentional time set apart each day.

I'm supposed to ask Jacob what his favorite moments were during that time, but I'm guessing he would just sign all done to me, or screech and run away, so I am going to guess as to what he would say (based off of what he wanted to do).

1. reading Little blue truck, MULTIPLE times
2.  Pushing him around on his tractor or in his dump truck.
3.  Reading Little blue truck leads the way.  multiple times
4.  Tearing out the bowls and lids from the tupperware cupboard
5.  Reading Doggies.  Multiple times.
6.  Playing airplane

Activity for day 5 was to eat dinner as a family (which we do 95% of the time), and let the child pick out the meal.  If that was the case, we would eat black beans, puffs, a pouch of baby food and bananas.  So, he ate that, and i made some other stuff for Mike and i to eat as well...

Day 6: Grace

I love the post on Grace.  It is so easy to get wrapped into the trap of believing you are doing it all wrong.  That you are failing.  I had a friend email me last week in response to my blog, and said something along the lines of wishing she could do stuff that i do as a mother.  It blew me away. 

I am always comparing myself to other mothers, feeling like I am falling short compared to them (this friend being one).  And it's so easy to do.  It's easy to look at someone else, and the pics they have posted on fb, or the blog they have, or the pinterst posts, and think, "they know what they are doing.  They have it all together".  You think that they have discovered "the secret" and somehow, they are thriving in this new life.  it's effortless to them.

And then you look at yourself.  Your house is a mess.  Laundry is EVERYWHERE.  Dirty hair in a ponytail.  Dirty clothes on.  The baby is crying.  Or won't sleep through the night.  Work is just enough to get by.  And you feel like throwing in the towel.  I often wonder, how do they do it?  What am I missing?  WHy doesn't it seem this hard for them?

But, I'm not that mother.  And although I can relate, I don't know what all her struggles are.  What shortcuts she takes to get thru the day.  What areas are on the back burner to shift for the more important ones.  We all need to give ourselves grace.

So, what are 5 things i can do on a hard day to change the tone of the day:
1.  Go to caribou :)
2.  Call a friend
3.  Take a hot bubble bath and eat dark chocolate
4.  Pray.  Often.
5.  Snuggle up with Jacob and smell his soft downy hair

THe other journaling topic, what time of day seems most challenging for Jacob?  What could I do to help him?

Between 6 and 7:15 are the hardest part of the day for him. He just wants to snuggle or be read to after getting home, while dinner is waiting to be made.  And if he's sleepy, bath time can become very challenging.  To help him out, we've let him watch videos (of either jd tractors or chuck & friends) or I will hold him when I'm doing dinner stuff that is not dangerous around him.  From after dinner to bath time, both Mike and I play on the floor with him, which also helps.

Day 4 - Listen

So, i have been slacking on the blogging aspect of the intentional parenting series, but i have been doing the "homework" at home!  who knew that there are limited hours in a day, and surprisingly, you need to sleep and go to work....


The discussion was on how as parents, we tend to ignore some of the times our children ask for our attention, because we are too busy.

Too busy making dinner.
too busy checking emails
too busy working
too busy talking ourselves
too busy cleaning
too busy being distracted

This teaches kids that we don't value them.  That whatever we are doing is more important then them.  I know at times, you are too busy to stop and listen, but most the time, would the 2 seconds it takes really mess up what you are doing?

Think about how it feels when someone ignores you.  Hurtful, like you don't matter, that you are not as important, that you are not worthy.

I don't want Jacob to think these things about himself.  I don't want to treat him this way.

Journaling:
1.How much time do you spend on media each day? 
More than i need to. it's so easy with a smart phone and ipad to just look "quick".  then i get distracted, or in a time suck of fb and pinterest. 

2.Do you take time in your day for prayer?  Mothers need to set inentional time to recharge our own batteries, if we are empty we have nothing to give.
I'm ashamed to admit it's not consistent.  I will pray when something is weighing on my heart, when i want to lift a loved one up, or when i need help.  I was doing well that when i put jacob to bed, i prayed.  But, to be intentional, i need to set up a time of day and do it.  I used to journal my prayers, and that really helped me to focus, and that is my plan to start doign again.

3.How can you set aside time for yourself each day? 
At night after Jacob is in bed.  I like to read before bed, but lately have been so exhausted that i just go to bed.  I should go 10 min earlier, and just take that time to relax and just be alone.

13 month update

Dear Jacob,

You are now 13 months old.  I'm still amazed that you have only been here for 13 short months of my life.  Your daddy and I think you are the best thing since sliced bread (except for when it's 3 am and you're screaming).

We had a busy month, with Halloween, playdates, cookie making, and regular day to day happenings.   You were absolutely the cutest lion for Halloween. 

You voted (or ran away when I sat down, so made it hard to concentrate on the voting)

 

You started signing new words, please and more.  But we really have to beg you to do it.  Basically, we held your banana's hostage until you signed more.  First you would scream at us, with your face all scrunched up, and it was all we could to not laugh, but finally we won a battle, and you signed to us.  If you get too frustrated, you will just eat what's on your tray rather than sign to us for the fruit.  You are REALLY stubborn at times.

 

Most of the pics of you are a blur.

You refuse to sit still, are ALWAYS on the move,

love to play "Gonna Get You"

There is a nuk in your mouth in this pic, so I'm guessing daddy caved in to you.  I only let you have one at nap...

 

We went on a LONG walk one afternoon, yes those are socks on his hands... you were adamant about walking by yourself, even thou you kept falling down because of sticks and bumpy terrain

 You have figured out how to get onto your tractor all by yourself.  You still dont know how to move it, but you try.  You also are able to climb up on daddy's tractor all by yourself....

Reading is still your favorite way to spend your time.  Fav books include Little Blue Truck, LBT Leads the Way, Truck book, Noisy Trucks, Go Dog Go, In My Nest (which is in pic, and you try to bite the bear) and any lift the flap books

 

Random Facts:

Weight: 23 lbs

Percentage: i dont remember exact height, but you are in the 40% for height and weight

Diapers: still some size 3, but moving into 4's

Fav foods:  bananas, peaches, really any fruit.  black beans, green beans, anythign we put into a pouch, cheese, eggs, pancakes

Unfav foods:  brocolli, most proteins, cherries

Words:  mama, dada, hi

signs: all done, please, food, more

doc visits/illness:  flu, ear check up, ear infection

Teeth:  8!!

 

All my love,

Momma



 



 

Day 3 - See

Sorry, i got distracted by my family over the weekend, and really didnt make time to post, so will be for day 3, which i did on Saturday.

Today's task was to document my day.  Not cleaning first, just our day to day stuff.  Just an fyi, these pics were all with the phone camera, so not real high quality, but you get the point!



Riding the indoor JD before nap

Celebrating birthdays with my Amma Mamas

Some of the birthday kids, Jacob rying to make a break for it

So sleepy after playdate

Running with the tractor

Riding down the driveway

Jacob's fav time of day, reading time

Journaling questions:

1.  Was it easy to devote intentional time to your child today?
         Yes, it's been easier if I have been intentional about it.  Plus, with meeting the playdate, we had lots of time together, and got a new book to read as a gift. It was a Saturday, and my turn to get up early with Jacob, so we had lots of time together.

2.  What things were distracting?
         Lots!!  Messy house, going out to dinner for Mike's bday, the pull of wanting to work on Christmas projects, laundry, must i go on??

3.  Is there a slot in your schedule to make the 10 min chunks of time a priority?  WHere? 
        Yes.  Really easy on the weekends, but on weekdays, I am going to try to do at 5:30ish.  Basically, when we get home, and after i have popped dinner in, and have at least 20 min before i need to mess with dinner again.

Day 4 will be today.I didn't do on Sunday, I was too distracted with spending time with the family, and never got on the comp to read the day first. 

For more info on Intentional parenting, go to Finding Joy.  Find Day 2: Heart here and Day 1: Awake here.

Day 2: Heart

It's day 2 of intentional parenting (i'm also impressed with myself that I'm blogging two days in a row...), but anyways, if you missed day 1, click here. 

To recap, I had to write 5 things I liked and disliked how I mothered, and spend 10 uninterrupted minutes just playing with Jacob.  The time was great.  If I'm intentional about putting everything down, it doesn't even factor in.  We sat on the floor and played with putting toys in and out of a bag.  Then he would run away shrieking and come running back to me.  Such simple things, but Jacob was having a blast.

Today, is Heart.  It's about how mothers cut themselves short on what they do.  The task:  write a letter of encouragement to yourself in 10 minutes.  I'm going to set a timer, and just write, so if it seems like it rambles to you, this is my heart coming thru, with my brain trying to keep up!

Dear Nikki,

I know at times you feel overwhelmed with everything going on.  That everything is spinning by so fast, and nothing is getting done.  You feel guilty for the time you are away from Jacob at work, and feel guilty for not always being 100% there when you are with him.  It seems like you clean constantly, with nothing ever getting done.  That you are behind in 10,012 ways and you will never measure up to the kind of mother you "should" be.  You feel like it's your fault with the way Jacob sleeps, and when stuff doesn't go as planned. 

Don't.

You are doing the absolute best you can.  THere is adjustment and timing, and all Jacob cares about is your love.  YOU are his mommy.  You are his world.  He doesnt care if the dishes aren't done, or if you don't make some craft off of pinterest that is the best thing since sliced bread.

The love you have for that little boy is all consuming and overwhelming in it's entirety. It's hard to put someone else first when culture and media scream that it should be all about me and what I want.  But you are succeeding at ignoring that pull, and knowing that it's not all about you.  It's about your family.  It's about Mike & Jacob, and Selby. It's what is best for us as a whole. 

It's easy to get lost in the day to day routine and let details bog you down.  Everything gets done, maybe not as soon as you would like, but is there a deadline on laundry?  It will still be there, and there are still clean clothes in the closets. 

Don't make choices that society thinks you need to.  Look to the bible and decide what the priorities should be.  Continue to make the choices that you have been, the ones that are with your family in mind and on your heart.  Remember that one of the most important parts of your day is to spend time snuggling and loving Jacob.  He won't be this small forever.  Continue to make him feel like he is your everything, because you and Mike are his. 

Show your love for him, teach him how to let go and laugh.  He sees you being stressed, show him how you are when you are relaxed and laughing with him.  Accept grace. 

Love,
me


*See Rachel's post at Finding Joy here.*

Intentional Parenting - Day One

One of the bloggers I absoluetely love reading is FindingJoy.  She is a christian mother, with 6 kids, a MN mom.  She writes these "Dear Mom" letters, and i swear, she is talking direcly to me.  The other day, she posted on feeling discouraged that really hit home to me. 

I have been wrestling with this.  I feel discouraged in some of my choices and my actions.  I feel like I don't measure up, that there is never enough time, that I am always behind.  I feel like I am not an active participant in Jacob's life at times.  That it's all just flying by as I sit there trying to figure out what is going on.

When i look at my day, yes, I spend time with Mike and Jacob, but it's not always quality time.  Wake up, get ready (with either Mike or I watching Jacob), head to work, come home, depending on what's for dinner, i may have time to play with Jacob, otherwise making dinner.  Eating, which takes about 1/2 an hour since Jacob hams it up at dinner.  After dinner, it's about half an hour before bath.  So we play on the floor with Jacob, but I'm not always actively involved.  Sometimes I'm scrolling thu my phone, looking up recipes online, just distracted in general by what I need to do.  Mike does bath with Jacob, during which time i clean up dinner, get stuff ready for the next day, pull out his clothes, make sure bedtime stuff is ready.  Then we rock and nurse, and Jacob goes to sleep about 7:30. 

After he's down, which is typically close to 8 by the time i get back downstairs, I'm thinking about laundry, the messy house, work, etc.  Some nights we watch a tv show together, other nights I'm too busy doing things that seem essential.

I want to be intentional.  I want to be active.  I want to feel involved and not just like I'm preparing for the next day.  I have felt like I'm always getting ready, but never enjoying the time i have.  With the holidays coming up, I know it's just goign to get more busy and harder to be active unless I am intentional about it. 

Luckily for me, Rachel at FindingJoy has several posts on being an intentional parent.   Her writing inspires me, and makes me remember that i need to take the time to value what I do.  I don't have to be a perfect mother, but i am the best mother for Jacob.  He just wants his mommy, not 10,001 books, or toys that do all kinds of things.  He wants me, my time, my love.  And that is worth so much more than a clean house or a gourmet meal.

So, Day One, is Awake.  I am going to post my progress each day and the new theme of the day.  I want to be accountable for this, becuase it's important.  If you want to join, go to her site, and start with day one.  Let me know if you are doing it too!    There is a journal with each day, that I will also list a condensed version of on here.

Day one: Start Thinking.  5 and 5
What are 5 things you love about how you mother:

1. Making different voices when reading to Jacob, he loves it
2. Rocking, nursing, and singing at bedtime.  This is our special time just the two of us, and I love it.
3. Making it a priority to put Jacob and his needs first, whether it's a popular decision with others or not
4. Our snuggle time in the morning when we wake up, but before i have to get up to get ready
5. Choosing a daycare I love - they also help raise my son, and since he spends 8.5 hours a day there, I want to know he loves it too

What are 5 things you want to change:

1. Being more patient at night when he wakes up a lot
2. Not worrying/being distracted about tomorrow
3. Being "there" with him, not distracted by phone/comp/etc
4. Not feeling guilty about taking time for myself
5. Starting more traditions as a family

Tonight's activity is to set a timer and spend 10 uninterrupted minutes with Jacob and whatever he wants to do.  This is supposed to happen on a daily basis going forward.

I really did have to think on this.  Why is it so much easier to come up with the changes then it is the things you do well?  When I wrote down #2 on the change list, I thought I have been struggling with this for years.  I have a bible verse written down, that i've had forever.  It's posted on my computer at work:
     Don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble  
    on its own.       ~Matthew 6:34

I'm excited to do this, to be intentional.  To share the journey of it with you.  To know that I don't have to be perfect, just be awake and aware.

Tomato Soup & Grilled Cheese

Now, I know this is one of the most basic seeming meals, but for all the different cooking and baking i have done, I usually open a can of tomato soup and take some sliced white bread along with a piece of sliced american "cheese".

Which is good, but by no means does it rival real tomato soup or the delicious grilled cheese sandwiches you can get at restaurants.

so, I found some recipes on Pinterest and Voila! delicious grown up grilled cheese and tomato soup, that was surprisingly easy.

Spinach Artichoke Grilled Cheese

Fresh spinach-about 3C

Canned artichoke hearts-about 3 hearts

chopped for about 1/2 C

1T olive oil

garlic salt and pepper

2T sour cream

4 slices cheese-your choice

(Monterrey jack, provolone, cheddar)

4 slices of good bread

butter/margarine

Heat the olive oil in a large skillet.

Saute the spinach until wilted. Season well

with garlic salt and pepper. Stir in the chopped

artichoke hearts and heat through. Add a dollop

of sour cream and blend well.

Remove this mixture to a small bowl.

Rinse and dry the skillet and return to the heat.

Buter one side of the bread. Add 2 slices of bread

to the hot skillet, buttered side down.

Top each with a slice of cheese, the spinach

artichoke mixture, the remaining slice of cheese

and the remaining slice of bread,

buttered side up. Grill until golden brown,

Flip and grill the other side until toasted

and the cheese is melted
.

Tomato Basil Soup

3 cloves of garlic, minced

2 tablespoons of olive oil

2 - 14 oz. cans of crushed tomatoes

1 - 14 oz. can of whole tomatoes

2 cups of stock (chicken or vegetable)

1 tsp of sea salt

1 tsp of sugar

1/2 tsp of fresh ground black pepper

1/4 cup of heavy cream

Flour/cornstarch

3 tablespoons of fresh basil, julienned

parmesan cheese

In a saucepan, saute garlic in olive oil on medium heat for 1 minute - being careful not to burn the garlic. Add the crushed tomatoes. Add the whole tomatoes one at a time, squeezing them into the pan to break them up. Add the juice from the whole tomatoes, as well. Add chicken stock, salt, pepper and sugar. Add flour and additional cream if you want to thicken the soup.   Cook the soup on medium at a simmer for 10 minutes.

 

Mike doesn't like anything tomato, so I made him some Chicken Gnocchi Soup.  When i was making dinner, he comes into the kitchen and asks "you made yourself a seperate soup?" 

 

:) My response, "No, I wanted tomato soup, and i know you dont' like that, so i made YOU a seperate soup"....