Day 2: Heart

It's day 2 of intentional parenting (i'm also impressed with myself that I'm blogging two days in a row...), but anyways, if you missed day 1, click here. 

To recap, I had to write 5 things I liked and disliked how I mothered, and spend 10 uninterrupted minutes just playing with Jacob.  The time was great.  If I'm intentional about putting everything down, it doesn't even factor in.  We sat on the floor and played with putting toys in and out of a bag.  Then he would run away shrieking and come running back to me.  Such simple things, but Jacob was having a blast.

Today, is Heart.  It's about how mothers cut themselves short on what they do.  The task:  write a letter of encouragement to yourself in 10 minutes.  I'm going to set a timer, and just write, so if it seems like it rambles to you, this is my heart coming thru, with my brain trying to keep up!

Dear Nikki,

I know at times you feel overwhelmed with everything going on.  That everything is spinning by so fast, and nothing is getting done.  You feel guilty for the time you are away from Jacob at work, and feel guilty for not always being 100% there when you are with him.  It seems like you clean constantly, with nothing ever getting done.  That you are behind in 10,012 ways and you will never measure up to the kind of mother you "should" be.  You feel like it's your fault with the way Jacob sleeps, and when stuff doesn't go as planned. 

Don't.

You are doing the absolute best you can.  THere is adjustment and timing, and all Jacob cares about is your love.  YOU are his mommy.  You are his world.  He doesnt care if the dishes aren't done, or if you don't make some craft off of pinterest that is the best thing since sliced bread.

The love you have for that little boy is all consuming and overwhelming in it's entirety. It's hard to put someone else first when culture and media scream that it should be all about me and what I want.  But you are succeeding at ignoring that pull, and knowing that it's not all about you.  It's about your family.  It's about Mike & Jacob, and Selby. It's what is best for us as a whole. 

It's easy to get lost in the day to day routine and let details bog you down.  Everything gets done, maybe not as soon as you would like, but is there a deadline on laundry?  It will still be there, and there are still clean clothes in the closets. 

Don't make choices that society thinks you need to.  Look to the bible and decide what the priorities should be.  Continue to make the choices that you have been, the ones that are with your family in mind and on your heart.  Remember that one of the most important parts of your day is to spend time snuggling and loving Jacob.  He won't be this small forever.  Continue to make him feel like he is your everything, because you and Mike are his. 

Show your love for him, teach him how to let go and laugh.  He sees you being stressed, show him how you are when you are relaxed and laughing with him.  Accept grace. 

Love,
me


*See Rachel's post at Finding Joy here.*